Scars

            “You feel that, girl?”

            It feels like forever since I used to have it all.

            “That’s the adrenaline pumping.”

            The cool car, a nice job, and a loving, tender girlfriend. Having my sanity wasn’t such a bad thing either. I wanted for nothing because I already had everything. Life was beautiful and fun. It felt like every day brought something new and exciting. Now, I have nothing.

            “After weeks of pulling petty jobs for the new boss, it’s finally time to spill some blood.”

            I was so naïve. I got too comfortable—too complacent—with how things were. I was so wrapped up in my own happiness that I couldn’t even conceive of anything ever going wrong. And when it did…Jesus, it sure went wrong.

            “This shit’s gonna be nuts! I really should get ready, though. She could be here any minute now. Where’s my knife?”

            Even if it was just a desk job, working at Kelvin United Banking was way more entertaining than it should have been. Probably because I got to work with Aliza. Normally, working with your partner is a big no-no; it’s often a guaranteed deal-breaker when it comes to relationships. But we did it, somehow.

            I mean, secret sex in the bathroom definitely helped make things more interesting, but that’s besides the point. Aliza was just great at getting me and pretty much everyone else in the building to smile. That goofy grin of hers was infectious; it was almost criminal how bubbly she was, and I couldn’t get enough.

I was thankful for all of them. Aliza. Mackenzie. Bobby. Darin. Everyone was great. I never would have expected to make such great friends at work. Poker nights. Practical jokes on the job. Never-ending parties on the weekends. A trip to Atlantic City every once in a while. Life was fast-paced and invigorating, even when it took a moment to slow down and give us a breather; it was a drug all its own, and we needed nothing else (not that a joint here or there ever hurt).

            It’s like I was always going over a hundred down the highway in my Benz, completely ignorant to the fact that, sooner or later, the road was going to end, and if I didn’t slow down, I was going to crash and fucking burn.

            “What else can I do other than stab people? Ooh, burning stuff could be fun. Maybe light my knife on fire or something. That’d be…lit. Ha!”

            Strike one on my glorious descent: not taking that promotion.

            Obviously, when you work somewhere long enough and show even a remote semblance of passion for what you’re doing, you’re due for some ample compensation, possibly in the form of career advancement. When that opportunity came across my desk, I turned it away. Why? Because I was perfectly happy right where I was.

For better or worse, I was content. The new job would have moved me out of New York, all the way down to some sister location in Florida, which I wasn’t about to let happen. It would have pulled me away from everyone I cared about. Especially Aliza. She said she would’ve gone with me in a heartbeat, but she wasn’t exactly in a position to do so, so I opted to stay put.

            But what happened when I didn’t take the new job? Darin did. Other than me, Darin had been at our bank the longest—we basically started together. It wasn’t really a stab in the back, but it did come as a bit of a shock when he packed up and left so quickly. We all wished him the best, of course, but I was left wondering if I’d made a mistake.

            Aliza would tell me, “Don’t worry about it, Princess. Something else is bound to come up sooner or later. And when it does, you’ll go for it, and we’ll take it from there.” Then she’d brush my hair to the side with those soft hands of hers and kiss me, which would lead to making out, followed by throwing the night away in bed together. That was always really nice.

            “It’s like they say: you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself. Like, if I wanna burn something, I need to go ahead and just burn something. Simple as one, two, three, he-he-he!”

            Strike two: downsizing. We really should have seen that coming. Especially since they never hired anyone to replace Darin. Around the time he left was when we started losing business, but we weren’t really inclined to care. Less business meant things got easier, but we still got paid the same great salary, and we were all very okay with that. Until, of course, we all lost our jobs.

            As business dwindled in the city, it makes sense in hindsight why our superiors were paying more frequent visits. We should have treated all those “surprise” check-ins as bad omens of terrible things to come. I like to think I saw the signs, but I know that’s not true. I actively chose to be ignorant. Rather than face my problems head on, I figured I’d let everything fix itself, like it always did. We all thought the same way. Big mistake, obviously.

            “Oh, surprise attacks could also be super fun! Heh, just the idea of pouncing on someone, seeing them all surprised and shit…ha! That’ll be so good. I don’t know that I’ll be able to contain myself and actually pull it off.”

Maybe I’m exaggerating when I say it like this, but one by one, we fell. Mackenzie got the boot first, which didn’t really surprise us, given she was, like, legitimately lazy. But she was also the most fun to hang around with. Seeing her go sucked. Not too long after that, Bobby followed suit. He put up a bit of a fight, but it hardly mattered. If anything, it gave the company more of a reason to get rid of him.

            And literally the day after Bobby was out, so were Aliza and I. And that was that. No more job. No more fun. Since Darin left, the gang didn’t really hang out as much as we used to, but when we all lost our jobs, that was basically the last we ever saw of each other. I don’t know why—we could have all still stuck together. We were friends, after all. But everyone gave up. I wonder what that says about my taste in people. For all the good times we had, I chose friends who all pretty much lost hope on a dime, and no one made any effort to fix it. Least of all me.

            “Whatever I do, I just gotta do it. Cuz no one else is gonna do it for me. Gotta grab life by the balls and do it my own fucking way!”

            And the third and final nail in the coffin was…the breakup.

            The group broke up, but Aliza and I didn’t, thankfully. Until…

            God, why couldn’t I have stopped her from leaving? If she were still with me…

            “Wouldn’t hurt to have some backup, though. Ah well. We’ll work up to that. After all, the boss said there was potential for team-ups. Shit sounds fun!”

            With both of us unemployed, Aliza and I instinctively braced for a rough patch. Life was going to be difficult for a while; we knew things might get edgy between us. So, we mentally prepared ourselves and promised we’d get through it together, knowing that it wouldn’t last long and eventually we’d get right back to where we were—we’d be happy again. Looking back on it, it all sounds so childish.

            We were both going nuts searching for jobs, figuring out how we would keep up with the rent until then. Aliza powered through it all; were it not for her, I would have lost my mind. Or, I guess, I would have lost it a lot sooner than I actually did.

We figured with all of our combined experience—we both had degrees in business administration and economics, plus eight years in the field—finding something new should have been a cinch. It wasn’t. No one was hiring, or no one needed anyone with our skill sets. We were out of luck, as though we’d spent it all enjoying ourselves back when we actually had jobs. Aliza eventually took some simple retail work at a local bookstore, but I was so full of myself that I never even considered looking for something like that.

            I wouldn’t take any smaller jobs, despite there being so many of them around town. I told her that I didn’t want to degrade myself with work that was so below me. My ego was boundless, and Aliza hated it. “Why am I the only one sacrificing anything here?” she’d say. “You know I love you, Princess, but you need to stop being such an ass and find work doing whatever already. It’s not the end of the world, it’s just for a little while. Please.”

But whatever she had to say, I always threw it back in her face. I would tell her she was better than what she was becoming, that she should have been stronger. But she wasn’t the one getting weaker. She wasn’t the one changing for the worse.

I guess, eventually, Aliza just had enough of my attitude. She had enough of me being me. I never meant to push her away. She wasn’t supposed to leave. We promised.

            “Now then, where the fuck’s that knife?”

            I had it all. I was happy. And then she left and took all my happiness with her.

            “Where did…oh, there you are!”

            When I couldn’t feel happy anymore—working a job I hardly cared for, just barely making it by, and living in a shitty apartment—I turned to the bottle and the needle just to feel anything. A little vodka here, a bit of heroin there, and slowly but surely I unlocked parts of my brain I didn’t even know existed. But I never wanted anyone to get hurt. Not really.

            I just took too much one day, and the wrong person got in my way at the wrong time. It was an accident. But that empty stare he gave me when the light finally left his eyes triggered something new in me. Loathe as I am to admit it, it was the greatest high I’d ever felt. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but I couldn’t rightly say I was sorry about it. I was over the edge, and it wasn’t long after that when the new me took over completely.

            She invented a whole new life for herself in no time, making new friends, discovering new places, and clambering at every new opportunity she could find. At this point, she’s cultivated a life I could never dream of. The connections she’s made and the things she’s doing…it’s not good. She’s using all of my business acumen to get ahead in the underworld of New York City. Christ, it almost sounds like something out of a fucking comic book.

            Now she won’t let go. She has machinations of some glorious spree of death, something her new benefactor is putting her up to. Seems like she’s going after bums, nobodies, or people who might have things she wants, like more drugs or cool toys or whatever. She keeps telling herself she’ll basically be doing the city a favor, as if that’ll make it any less wrong.

            What’s worse, though, is that I can’t even try to make things right. I’ve turned into this thing, and I can’t stop myself. I’m trapped in my own mind, left with nothing but the scars of my mistakes, and I’m doomed to watch as all of that comes crashing down on the world in the worst possible way.

            “Tonight, we make things official, my pretty little friend.”

            Why couldn’t I have been stronger? Why couldn’t I have fought harder?

            “You’re looking so sharp. And me, well, I always look sharp, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to dress down a bit and re-dye my hair for the occasion. Red just seemed so appropriate. Heh.”

            Why couldn’t I have just tried?

“We’re gonna have so much fun. And just think, before long, maybe I’ll have a new partner to join in on the fun! Double the trouble, baby! Just like when I was with…”

            Why couldn’t I have been more like you, Aliza?

            “God, I miss her.”

            What?

            “I miss her so much. I miss the touch of her pretty skin, the smell of her golden hair, that beautiful smile. I miss having someone around to talk to, someone I could confide all my deep, dark secrets to. I mean, I definitely make do with myself. I’m a riot, after all. But, you know, I just…I miss her.”

            I miss you, Aliza..

            “Heh. Hehe.”

            What? What are you laughing at?

            “Hehehe! And I definitely miss all the fun we had playing around together. Goddamn, she was the best piece of ass I ever had! Just thinking about it gets me a little wet, honestly. Ha!

            No, no, no! Shut your goddamn mouth, you psychotic piece of shit! You don’t get to say that! Not about her! You don’t get to ruin my memory of her!

            “But, you know, she did leave me, after all, so how good could she really have been? Dumb bitch. Eh, whatever. No sense in dwelling on the past like that, anyway. No, it’s time for something new. It’s time for the world to meet the new me.”

            No. This isn’t who I am. I know who I am. I’m Kaylie Perez. I’m not what you made me. I’m not!

            “No, you’re not.”

Wait…you can hear me?

“You’re nothing. You’re no one. You’re hardly an afterthought. You’re the biproduct of everything it took to make me so goddamn perfect. While you bitch about everything you lost, I’m out here drowning in the ecstasy of my life. Mine! Not yours! It’s all mine!”

            No! It’s my mind! My body! My life!

            “Yeah, okay, loser. And while you keep telling yourself that, I’ll be here, free as a whistle, enjoying some of the greatest thrills of all time. And it’s all gonna start with you.”

            What are you doing?

            “Cutting you out. Take a look in the mirror, Princess, because this is the last thing you’ll ever see.”

            Wait, no, stop!

            “Ah! Fuck! Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have started with the face. Well, at least it looks cool.”

            Stop it! You’ll kill us!

            “Nah, only you. With a little gash here. Ngh! And a deep cut there. Shit! Hurts pretty good, though, I won’t lie.”

Please.

            “Drip, drip, drip. And X marks the spot where you die. How about right over the heart? After all, I’m the only one here who’s got any. Ha!”

Don’t do this.

“If you wanted to live so badly, maybe you should’ve tried harder to make it all worth something. You had your chance, and you wasted it. There’s no room for weakness in my world. You can fuck right off, bitch! Gah! Shit! Ooh, alright. Deep breaths, girl, deep breaths.”

            Is she gone?

            …

            Ha! Yep! Finally, I can hear myself think. Man, this is weird. Feels so empty in here. Guess I’ll have to start filling this space with some new, happy memories of my own. Shouldn’t take too long. After all, I’m about to begin what will likely be my greatest work. And isn’t it just so poetic that it all started by christening you, my majestic little blade, with my own blood?

            Oh, and wouldn’t you know it, there’s the knock at the door I’ve been waiting for all night. I finally get to meet whoever it is I’ve been dealing with over the phone lately. No idea who they are, but I can already tell they mean business, even though they also kind of sound like they’re making all of their shit up as they go along. Eh, probably for the best. Better to keep people guessing, which is just how I like doing things myself.

            “Okie dokie, coming! Oh, and when you see me covered in blood, don’t worry about that. It’s just effects makeup. Promise.” Hiding my knife behind my back, I open the front door to my quaint little apartment, and who do I find standing on the other side? A bombshell, that’s who. “Damn, you’re pretty.” I didn’t really mean to blurt that out, but I certainly don’t regret it.

            For a second, I have to wonder if this is actually who I’m expecting, but if anything, her getup confirms it. The jet black dress alone tells me she’s some sort of very important person. But if that wasn’t enough, this babe has some luscious red locks that hide just enough of her face and a toned but curvy bod that leaves me weak in the knees. Honestly, I’m downright stunned.

            “You must be Kaylie. Or would you prefer Ms. Perez?” she says with a stern but soft voice that demands my attention. As if she even needs to try.

            “Uh, either is fine, I guess. It’s kind of up in the air at the moment. Heh.”

            She snickers. “I see. Well, may I come in?”

            I consider holding her at the door for a moment longer, but something tells me I shouldn’t piss this lady off, so I step aside and gesture for her to enter my abode. “By all means.”

            “Thank you. It’s nice to finally meet you in person, Kaylie,” she continues, taking a few steps in and moving toward the living room. “My name is Amy Talbot. As I’m sure you’ve already guessed, I’m your new benefactor.”

            “Heh, yeah, I kinda figured,” I say, closing the door behind us and leading her inside. “Hell of a pleasure to meet you too, though. Grab a seat wherever you like. Want a drink?”

            “Oh, no, I’m fine, but thank you,” she says, now standing stock-still like a soldier and taking a look around my place. She doesn’t even seem fazed that I’m now nonchalantly holding my knife in my hand. “We won’t be staying very long. There’s other business to attend to tonight.”

            “Gotcha. So, to what do I owe the pleasure, beautiful?” I ask, plopping down on the couch.

            “Well, Kaylie, after all the exceptional work you’ve done for me lately, helping me learn the ins and outs of the city’s underground, I thought it best that we finally meet face to face. I know you’re eager to do more, and for what comes next, I want you front and center for the action. Also, as a thank you for your continued service, I wanted to bring you a gift.”

“Oh. Cool!” Hell yes! Finally getting down to more of the nitty gritty. And hey, far be it from me to turn down some well-earned hospitality.

Amy smirks as she pulls out a phone from her cleavage and quickly gets on a call. “Recoil, be a dear and bring her in.”

            “Ha! ‘Recoil.’ What the hell is that?”

            “She prefers to be called that when we’re in the field,” Amy tells me.

            “Oh, uh…okay?” That’s only slightly weird. Although, it does get me thinking…

            A few moments later, there’s another knock at the door. Before I can get up from my seat to get it, whoever is on the other side basically kicks it open, and I’m greeted with a sight of pure badassitude. I have to assume this woman is who Amy referred to as Recoil, who graces my eyeballs with her astonishingly sleek suit of tactical armor. Has to be military grade of some sort, especially given the camo, which seems a bit on the nose, but I’m not about to complain. Hell, the helmet has a scope for the right eye. How cool is that?!

            “Well, fuck me sideways. I didn’t realize we were playing dress up. Ha!”

            “Quiet. Where do you want her, Amy?” the magnificent bitch named Recoil asks. As she steps forward, she carries a briefcase and brings in another woman, who has a bag over her head, rope tied around her hands, and is dressed oh so plainly. That must suck.

            “Ooh, and who’s this we have here?” I ask with a chuckle.

            “Right there is fine, Recoil,” Amy says, pointing to the floor in front of me. “I think you’ll enjoy this little gift, Kaylie.” The redhead removes the bag from the lady’s head, and I see…

            “Aliza?”

            “Please remove her gag and go wait outside, Recoil,” Amy says. “We’ll be out shortly.”

            Recoil does as she’s told and then stomps away without another word.

            “Kaylie?” Aliza mutters as she stares up at me with frightened eyes. “What’s going on? What happened to you?”

            “Aliza. How…?”

            “I found her by using some of those back channels of yours. Very handy. In any case, I told you earlier over the phone that tonight we would start the real work. The bloody work. As such, I’d like to offer you your first proper kill, Kaylie,” Amy continues. “The first of what I expect will be many.”

            “Aliza. Baby.” The words leave my mouth, but I definitely wasn’t thinking them.

            “That, and all the money your ex-girlfriend stole from you,” Amy adds. She then clicks open the briefcase and shows me…a fuck load of money. “Roughly $46,300, if my math is right.”

            “Wait, what?”

            “Oh, I guess you never told her about your money problems, did you, Aliza? What else didn’t you ever tell her about, I wonder…?”

            “Kaylie. Oh, God, I’m so sorry. For everything. I swear, I didn’t mean for any of it to get that bad. I just…got mixed up with the wrong people. I couldn’t tell you. Please, you have to believe me.”

            Again, without thinking, I kneel down in front of her and caress her cheek. “Shh. It’s all right. They won’t hurt you. I promise.”

            “Kaylie?” Amy says.

            “Let her go.”

            There’s a pause. Then, without saying anything, Amy pulls out a knife from under her dress and cuts Aliza’s bonds. “Very well. Off you go, Aliza.”

            “Kaylie?” She’s still scared, but there’s now the faintest glimmer of hope in her eyes.

            “Go,” I tell her. “I’ll find you later, don’t worry.”

            “Okay. I’m sorry, Kaylie.” And then she’s gone. Girl scampers out of the apartment and off into the city like a rat in the night.

            “Hmm. Perhaps I was wrong about you, Kaylie.”

            I feel a little tickle in the back of my mind. Something so funny and clever. “Cool it, lady. I’m just giving her a running start.” Oh, yeah, this is going to be very, very fun for me.

“Ha. How sporting of you.”

            “Yeah, sure. So, what exactly is it I’m about to sign up for, Amy? Gotta know the details before I can do the job, after all.”

            She smirks. “Like I was saying, I have big plans in motion, and they require someone with your…unique insight.” Well, that’s some high praise. “All I ask is that you continue doing what you’ve been doing for me these past few weeks. Just bear in mind that we’ll be stepping up our game very soon, and I need you to be ready for that.”

            “Oh, I can be ready. Hell, I was pretty much ready the moment you stepped through my door. Shit’s all so exciting, you know? Just say the word, and I’m there!”

            Her smile grows. “Excellent. Pleasure to have you on board, Kaylie.”

            “A motherfucking pleasure indeed, Amy!” I take her hand for a hearty handshake that she wasn’t about to offer and let go just before it gets uncomfortable. She doesn’t so much as flinch. Tough girl, this one. I like. “Just one thing, though,” I add.

            “Hmm?”

            “We’re gonna need to amend you calling me Kaylie. Technically speaking, Kaylie Perez was my first kill this evening,” I say, flourishing my knife. “You’re getting the brand new me.”

            “Ah. Well, what should I call you then?” Amy asks.

            “Well, you’ve already got one weirdo with a nickname, so maybe something along those lines. I just gotta think of one. I’ll get back to you on that,” I tell her with a wave of my hand. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go get reacquainted with my ex.”

            She nods. “Of course. When you’re finished, meet me at this address.” She now pulls out a little business card from her tits. Christ, she’s really keeping everything in there, huh? Well, I guess that is part of why we have them, after all. “You have a black light, I assume?”

            I take the blank card from her and give it a quick look. “Oh, ha! Yeah, I gotcha.”

            “Wonderful.” She steps aside and gestures toward the door. “After you.”

            “Kay, kay! See you soon!” And with that, I’m off to begin something wonderful.